actually, the reason why i feel like a bum lately,
wait,
this isn’t really that important, but since i dont have a diary, a book or a walking one, im just gonna type it out here.
it may sound whiny and idiotic but thats how it is.
whiny and idiotic.
but to me nothing is idiotic when it comes to my future,
so here goes.
actually, the reason why i feel like a bum lately is because of college.
last year i remembered praying like a mad person, asking for a lot of things from God regarding my future but today i realised that what i meant by ‘future’ was just my studies.
i prayed…maybe begged… hmm, okay actually it sounded more like i begged to not get into NS so i could enrol into college earlier. not january but march. i was never planning to take january intake anyway.
and i didn’t get NS but i got something else so i couldn’t go for early intake.
blabla. im over that ‘early intake part now’
so now im like, okay just go after march intakes, and some colleges have april, may, june, july and august intakes, depends on the programmes.
okay intakes, done.
then there’s college.
i dont know which college to go to because there’s the course.
honestly, i dont even know what i want to do anymore.
thats why i’m thinking of taking pre-u. but if i want to do pre-u i still have to know what course i want to major in, its just that somehow i think its easier to do pre-u first. then think about that later because i have a plan, but im not sure how to execute it.
so i think pre-u is the safest path.
BUT THEN AGAIN
my dad can ensure me get into these 3 colleges due to scholarship given out by the company, and they are segi, unisel and another college. i forgot what it is.
BUT THEN AGAIN
these colleges are not known for the course that im interested in.
BUT THEN AGAIN
i just told myself i dont know what course i want.
see?
maybe im not being true to myself.
so i got mad. i even told my mum that she’s not supporting me because she never guide me about college and stuff. which is partially true.
you see, my parents claimed that i’ve been wanting to be a journalist ever since i was a kid.
and my dad, being in the media industry himself, always mention how great it is to work in the industry and how suck other jobs would be like. so he is BIAS. just because he loves the job you know.
and then my mum told me that she would do communications if she was given another chance because this whole media industry sounds like a fun ride to her.
now do you see the problem?
they guide me to major in communications and never asked about my personal interest. and since they guide me so well, i’ve lost interest of my real interest. confusing huh?
so i thought to myself maybe they want me to do masscoms because
1) my dad has a lot of connections in this industry, and out of the industry, so he can help me whenever. because its all about connections these days.
2) my mum wants me to live HER dreams. which is unfair.
and then UITM comes into the picture. yay you. i know its the best for masscom. so i accept the fact that i will somehow end up going there if i choose masscom. and i dont mind, because i’m up for new challenges.
so UITM, done. no problem with it. anymore.
so basically, my main problem is, the course.
its funny how my parents constantly tell me i can do whatever i love and choose the college but in the end of every conversation they will tell me to do masscom and go to uitm.
hahah.
it makes me sad, really.
so this is the reason why i’m angry, sometimes, happy. this is the cause of my unstable emotions. THIS IS THE CAUSE OF EVERYTHING. okay no, that was dramatic.
but yeah. this is why sometimes i can just get angry and refuse to talk to anyone. so i end up watching movies and go for a jog. everyday.
i am running away from my problems, instead of solving it. yea i know that.
so yeah. now i just hope everyone would stop asking me what i want to do because i dont know. im still soul searching.
i may sound useless
but
just so you know, i rather be clueless now, take my time, and choose my course slowly
than
do what i hate in the future and be clueless then. at that age.
call it what you want. ( i love foster the people!)
so now im gonna do like what i said in my previous post. yes, brilliant things.
because i’m done being mad, happy and mad again,
i’m done crying
i’m done listening to people telling me what i should do,
because its my future.
okay? okay.
i’m done whining.
off i go, searching for my lost soul, bye! :)
