to the stars!

I’ve always had thoughts of studying abroad and I did consider it last year, it was one of my many plans,

Segi 2 years and curtin uni in aussie another 2 years.

But somehow that plan was forgotten and I don’t really feel like studying abroad anymore. 

and today, while cleaning up my bookshelf I saw postcards that i bought from oxford and cambridge in 2005. The reason why I bought those postcards were to motivate myself to study harder so I could study out of malaysia. 

I was so mesmerized by the whole campus environment there.   

And when I was in Korea last year, we went to this town, i think its called Itaewon, where most of the international students live. 

Again I was mesmerized and thought it was cool to study abroad. 

In my opinion, studying abroad gives you so much exposure and you’ll have the opportunity to learn different culture. you’ll also be more independent since you’re far from home. However, studying locally is not bad either. financially, you’ll save a lot plus you wont get homesick. There are students from so many different countries as well if you go to private uni. 

So right now I’m having college dilemma again. I will never stop having this dilemma till I register for any pre-u programme.

Obviously if I get a chance to study abroad I’ll grab it.

So what I’m gonna do right now is to take ausmat instead of mufy. ausmat has wider university options compared to mufy.

And if somehow along the way i decide to not study abroad, I’ll just continue my studies in monash.

The course that I will be studying is still the same, just changing pre-u programme so I wouldn’t regret it later. 

hmm. I can’t wait. I’m so confused but this is so exciting!

Apparently the only thing on my mind right now is college.

college college college study study study. 

Everything sounds fun again, in a weird way. and my dad is encouraging me to do this and that, go here and there and my mum is like giving me full support on my studies. I just feel so revived and super stoked about everything.

Just let me study again, be it locally or abroad, i just want to hit the books, memorise funny terms, do mind raping calculations and just study. ahhhh. so fun. 

okay! I’m gonna enjoy life and have fun for another month. 

goodnight coolnerds!

I’m not that strong but

oh and right now I’m entering all sorts of contest just to win joe brooks tickets. Honestly I wasn’t into his songs that much but after I listened to superman the other day I got hooked to his whole album.

And I’ve never joined this kind of contest before but I will, now. because I only live once and apparently people say life is short.

and lastly, me being happy doesn’t mean I gave up on you and lost hope. I’m just living life again but at the same time, still hoping. I know its painful and I am aware that some people may think its pointless to hold on to something that might or might not happen.

but I believe I can fly, although I’m no superman.

you know…that feeling.

like I said before, we’ll just see how things will turn out.

hmm. Hope and alright are my favourite words now.

If only wishes do come true instantly at 11:11.

Belle and beast

I just have to blog about this.

Beauty and the Beast in 3d was so nice.

Lisa and I revisited our childhood and there were only 4 people in the cinema! the other two was a little girl and her mother. 

Somehow I think we were more excited than the girl.

I remember watching it when I was young but I dont really remember the storyline.

All this while i believed that Belle asked for a rose from her dad when he went to town and her dad stole a rose from the beast’s castle. Thats what i read from a book.

But actually!!

Belle’s dad was lost and needed a place to stay and he ended up at the castle. the beast was mad and made him a prisoner and Belle saved her dad by trading places with him and became the prisoner instead!

wow.

The reason why Im blogging about Beauty and the Beast is because I like fairytales and princesses and prince charming. Plus I grew up reading all these books and every little girls’ dream was to be a princess.  so yea… Don’t judge.

But my favourite princess is still Aurora from Sleeping Beauty

because

right after she turned sixteen she just sleep until a prince woke her up.

who doesn’t want to sleep for years.

ahhh, this post looks as if a little girl wrote it.

But its because, Mrs. Potts gave me hope. 

She said everything will be okay, and it did, for Belle.

So now I believe in talking pots.

Maybe fairytales don’t have deep storyline but somehow in someway everyone will get their fairytale ending.

Not fairytale as in you sing everyday, befriend the birds and squirrels, end up marrying a prince and live in a castle.

Fairytale as in, everything will be fine and you will live happily in the end. 

oh you know what I mean,

just think like a little girl for a second.

I’ll be back soon. :)

 

Hopeless

honestly I can’t. I just can’t.

I know now why people talk about it a lot. 

because they can’t too, maybe they couldn’t and then they can but I’m just at the point where I simply can’t.

I hope everyone goes through this stage too because if its just me means I’m crazy.

maybe its too soon to tell 

but im just scared that

later it’ll be too late to realize.

goodbye.

#latenightthoughts

who uses hashtags at blogs anyway, dummy.

what i really am like

Today i spent 15 minutes to take a deeper look at my own reflection.

puffy eyes

eyebags

chapped lips

pale skin

weight loss

ergh.

so unattractive, even babies cry upon looking at my face, and i will cry with them.

what fish asila.

SO I decided to put away some things.

yeah, things were great but it had to end, so i can’t be reminded of it at all times.

what am I supposed to do?

cry every single day until I die?

no.

At one point, i have to pick up the pieces and start living my life again.

Like I’ve said before, God probably has bigger and better plans for me. Of course, He has bigger and better plans for everyone, including you, if everyone just have a little faith.

I don’t know, I can smile and joke around now

but

I can cry the next second and refuse to eat.

I don’t know………………… I’m just a girl. I’m only 18.

This is my first time. How am i supposed to deal with it calmly.

I know I can get over the situation but to get over the person, it takes a longer time.

I hope one day this becomes something that I can talk about without tears streaming down my face.

…

anyway I’m gonna stop blogging for a while.

I don’t know who still reads it, but I enjoy expressing my thoughts like this.

Maybe I’ll come back when college starts. yeah in a month time I’ll be a college girl!!

I’m super excited about it.

so yeah, lets hope when I get back, it will be a happier me.

:)

lots of love.

different

found it, lost it

I think I jinxed my life.

how confusing.

I don’t know,

i just feel different.

I can be a princess if I want to,

But now I gotta put my fairytale scene on hold and just focus on college.

For now, I’m not saying I’m completely alright, but I will be. 

We’ll see how things will turn out for me.

hugs and smileys!

korea 2011

i just had to

dont i just look innocent? HAHAHAHHA

:)

once when i was little

hi again.

i know i was supposed to upload pictures but i dont know lah, something is wrong with the connection today. i’ll post it soon. 

oh ya, i mentioned that life is funny right in my previous post?

i have a proof that it actually is funny. well, its more like weird.

i was reading my older posts cos, cos i was bored,

and I

NUR ASILA,

i was this girl who cursed so much in form 3. hahahah! i dont know how many times i said the f word and now im this girl who feels awkward when i curse. 

i was this girl who hated physics and maths, and now im this girl who is dying to get a course that involves physics and maths. 

i was this girl who said im gonna quit photography club when i was in form 4 and in form 5 i became the president of the club.

i was this girl who indirectly blogs about this guy that i had a crush on and how much i wanted to stop liking him and now im this girl who likes him and even blogs about it.

i was this girl who hated studying and now im this girl who is rotting at home and dying to start college so i can just study.

hahahah.

its crazy weird. 

so maybe if you think you’re having a hard time right now, just be patient and think rationally.

it’ll turn out to be something you couldn’t even imagine.

pictures soon! xo

maybe its just me

im here to upload some pictures but the connection is quite slow,

i’ll try again later in the evening.

but since i havent blogged for a while,

HELLO!

hmm, i  had this thought.. maybe its my 18 year old brain, hahah, okay thats actually the 2nd time im using the term but

maybe it is my 18 year old brain telling me that

maybe i just have to wait.

i had a thought, about some things. some things i want and need. 

i know i dont always get what i want, but i do get what i need.

but the things that i want, i get them after some time. it could be weeks or months. sometimes i get it in the most unexpected way and sometimes i dont realize that i actually got it.

and i know when i want something i’ll do whatever i can to get it but sometimes all i have to do is just wait. 

it just occurred to me that all this while, after i went all out to get something, i just ended up waiting because i know i did all i can and there’s nothing left i could do to get it.

so i waited. 

and i got it. 

i think life is just funny, and i just have to be patient,

and yesterday i realised that things are actually doing great for me, but i only see the bad side of everything. 

oh well, thats my thought for the day.

peace out.  :)

freedom of speech

actually, the reason why i feel like a bum lately,

wait,

this isn’t really that important, but since i dont have a diary, a book or a walking one, im just gonna type it out here.

it may sound whiny and idiotic but thats how it is. 

whiny and idiotic.

but to me nothing is idiotic when it comes to my future, 

so here goes.

actually, the reason why i feel like a bum lately is because of college. 

last year i remembered praying like a mad person, asking for a lot of things from God regarding my future but today i realised that what i meant by ‘future’  was just my studies. 

i prayed…maybe begged… hmm, okay actually it sounded more like i begged to not get into NS so i could enrol into college earlier. not january but march. i was never planning to take january intake anyway.

and i didn’t get NS but i got something else so i couldn’t go for early intake.

blabla. im over that ‘early intake part now’

so now im like, okay just go after march intakes, and some colleges have april, may, june, july and august intakes, depends on the programmes.

okay intakes, done. 

then there’s college.

i dont know which college to go to because there’s the course.

honestly, i dont even know what i want to do anymore.

thats why i’m thinking of taking pre-u. but if i want to do pre-u i still have to know what course i want to major in, its just that somehow i think its easier to do pre-u first. then think about that later because i have a plan, but im not sure how to execute it. 

so i think pre-u is the safest path.

BUT THEN AGAIN

my dad can ensure me get into these 3 colleges due to scholarship given out by the company, and they are segi, unisel and another college. i forgot what it is. 

BUT THEN AGAIN

these colleges are not known for the course that im interested in.

BUT THEN AGAIN

i just told myself i dont know what course i want.

see?

maybe im not being true to myself. 

so i got mad. i even told my mum that she’s not supporting me because she never guide me about college and stuff. which is partially true. 

you see, my parents claimed that i’ve been wanting to be a journalist ever since i was a kid. 

and my dad, being in the media industry himself, always mention how great it is to work in the industry and how suck other jobs would be like. so he is BIAS. just because he loves the job you know.

and then my mum told me that she would do communications if she was given another chance because this whole media industry sounds like a fun ride to her. 

now do you see the problem?

they guide me to major in communications and never asked about my personal interest. and since they guide me so well, i’ve lost interest of my real interest. confusing huh?

so i thought to myself maybe they want me to do masscoms because

1) my dad has a lot of connections in this industry, and out of the industry, so he can help me whenever. because its all about connections these days.

2) my mum wants me to live HER dreams. which is unfair.

and then UITM comes into the picture. yay you. i know its the best for masscom. so i accept the fact that i will somehow end up going there if i choose masscom. and i dont mind, because i’m up for new challenges. 

so UITM, done. no problem with it. anymore. 

so basically, my main problem is, the course.

its funny how my parents constantly tell me i can do whatever i love and choose the college but in the end of every conversation they will tell me to do masscom and go to uitm. 

hahah.

it makes me sad, really.

so this is the reason why i’m angry, sometimes, happy. this is the cause of my unstable emotions. THIS IS THE CAUSE OF EVERYTHING. okay no, that was dramatic.

but yeah. this is why sometimes i can just get angry and refuse to talk to anyone. so i end up watching movies and go for a jog. everyday. 

i am running away from my problems, instead of solving it. yea i know that.

so yeah. now i just hope everyone would stop asking me what i want to do because i dont know. im still soul searching. 

i may sound useless

but

just so you know, i rather be clueless now, take my time, and choose my course slowly 

than

do what i hate in the future and be clueless then. at that age.

call it what you want. ( i love foster the people!)

so now im gonna do like what i said in my previous post. yes, brilliant things.

because i’m done being mad, happy and mad again,

i’m done crying

i’m done listening to people telling me what i should do,

because its my future. 

okay? okay. 

i’m done whining. 

off i go, searching for my lost soul, bye! :)