once when i was little

hi again.

i know i was supposed to upload pictures but i dont know lah, something is wrong with the connection today. i’ll post it soon. 

oh ya, i mentioned that life is funny right in my previous post?

i have a proof that it actually is funny. well, its more like weird.

i was reading my older posts cos, cos i was bored,

and I

NUR ASILA,

i was this girl who cursed so much in form 3. hahahah! i dont know how many times i said the f word and now im this girl who feels awkward when i curse. 

i was this girl who hated physics and maths, and now im this girl who is dying to get a course that involves physics and maths. 

i was this girl who said im gonna quit photography club when i was in form 4 and in form 5 i became the president of the club.

i was this girl who indirectly blogs about this guy that i had a crush on and how much i wanted to stop liking him and now im this girl who likes him and even blogs about it.

i was this girl who hated studying and now im this girl who is rotting at home and dying to start college so i can just study.

hahahah.

its crazy weird. 

so maybe if you think you’re having a hard time right now, just be patient and think rationally.

it’ll turn out to be something you couldn’t even imagine.

pictures soon! xo

maybe its just me

im here to upload some pictures but the connection is quite slow,

i’ll try again later in the evening.

but since i havent blogged for a while,

HELLO!

hmm, i  had this thought.. maybe its my 18 year old brain, hahah, okay thats actually the 2nd time im using the term but

maybe it is my 18 year old brain telling me that

maybe i just have to wait.

i had a thought, about some things. some things i want and need. 

i know i dont always get what i want, but i do get what i need.

but the things that i want, i get them after some time. it could be weeks or months. sometimes i get it in the most unexpected way and sometimes i dont realize that i actually got it.

and i know when i want something i’ll do whatever i can to get it but sometimes all i have to do is just wait. 

it just occurred to me that all this while, after i went all out to get something, i just ended up waiting because i know i did all i can and there’s nothing left i could do to get it.

so i waited. 

and i got it. 

i think life is just funny, and i just have to be patient,

and yesterday i realised that things are actually doing great for me, but i only see the bad side of everything. 

oh well, thats my thought for the day.

peace out.  :)

freedom of speech

actually, the reason why i feel like a bum lately,

wait,

this isn’t really that important, but since i dont have a diary, a book or a walking one, im just gonna type it out here.

it may sound whiny and idiotic but thats how it is. 

whiny and idiotic.

but to me nothing is idiotic when it comes to my future, 

so here goes.

actually, the reason why i feel like a bum lately is because of college. 

last year i remembered praying like a mad person, asking for a lot of things from God regarding my future but today i realised that what i meant by ‘future’  was just my studies. 

i prayed…maybe begged… hmm, okay actually it sounded more like i begged to not get into NS so i could enrol into college earlier. not january but march. i was never planning to take january intake anyway.

and i didn’t get NS but i got something else so i couldn’t go for early intake.

blabla. im over that ‘early intake part now’

so now im like, okay just go after march intakes, and some colleges have april, may, june, july and august intakes, depends on the programmes.

okay intakes, done. 

then there’s college.

i dont know which college to go to because there’s the course.

honestly, i dont even know what i want to do anymore.

thats why i’m thinking of taking pre-u. but if i want to do pre-u i still have to know what course i want to major in, its just that somehow i think its easier to do pre-u first. then think about that later because i have a plan, but im not sure how to execute it. 

so i think pre-u is the safest path.

BUT THEN AGAIN

my dad can ensure me get into these 3 colleges due to scholarship given out by the company, and they are segi, unisel and another college. i forgot what it is. 

BUT THEN AGAIN

these colleges are not known for the course that im interested in.

BUT THEN AGAIN

i just told myself i dont know what course i want.

see?

maybe im not being true to myself. 

so i got mad. i even told my mum that she’s not supporting me because she never guide me about college and stuff. which is partially true. 

you see, my parents claimed that i’ve been wanting to be a journalist ever since i was a kid. 

and my dad, being in the media industry himself, always mention how great it is to work in the industry and how suck other jobs would be like. so he is BIAS. just because he loves the job you know.

and then my mum told me that she would do communications if she was given another chance because this whole media industry sounds like a fun ride to her. 

now do you see the problem?

they guide me to major in communications and never asked about my personal interest. and since they guide me so well, i’ve lost interest of my real interest. confusing huh?

so i thought to myself maybe they want me to do masscoms because

1) my dad has a lot of connections in this industry, and out of the industry, so he can help me whenever. because its all about connections these days.

2) my mum wants me to live HER dreams. which is unfair.

and then UITM comes into the picture. yay you. i know its the best for masscom. so i accept the fact that i will somehow end up going there if i choose masscom. and i dont mind, because i’m up for new challenges. 

so UITM, done. no problem with it. anymore. 

so basically, my main problem is, the course.

its funny how my parents constantly tell me i can do whatever i love and choose the college but in the end of every conversation they will tell me to do masscom and go to uitm. 

hahah.

it makes me sad, really.

so this is the reason why i’m angry, sometimes, happy. this is the cause of my unstable emotions. THIS IS THE CAUSE OF EVERYTHING. okay no, that was dramatic.

but yeah. this is why sometimes i can just get angry and refuse to talk to anyone. so i end up watching movies and go for a jog. everyday. 

i am running away from my problems, instead of solving it. yea i know that.

so yeah. now i just hope everyone would stop asking me what i want to do because i dont know. im still soul searching. 

i may sound useless

but

just so you know, i rather be clueless now, take my time, and choose my course slowly 

than

do what i hate in the future and be clueless then. at that age.

call it what you want. ( i love foster the people!)

so now im gonna do like what i said in my previous post. yes, brilliant things.

because i’m done being mad, happy and mad again,

i’m done crying

i’m done listening to people telling me what i should do,

because its my future. 

okay? okay. 

i’m done whining. 

off i go, searching for my lost soul, bye! :)

power in her hands

im gonna get back on track!

which track, i dont know but im getting back on my feet and start doing brilliant things that i can think of. 

whatever brilliant-ness that will pop up in my brilliant brain. 

because i feel like a bum lately,  

and maybe i turned into a couch potato..

so now!

im not gonna be a couch potato.

no more.

maybe just on sunday, being a potato is acceptable cos i love sunday and its got a relaxing feel to it

BUT

just on sunday.

for the remaining six days of every week, i’m gonna occupy myself with little things big things 

and JUST OCCUPY MYSELF!

omg im going crazy.

just occupy myself till i enrol into college. 

because if the world ends this year, which i doubt it will,

i want my world, this tiny land of mine that i have in my head, to end.. in a decent way as possible.

on a side note,

actually this falling and get back up phase happens to me every year, because i hate ending. okay hate is a strong word, im actually afraid of it. and it takes me a while to feel okay and then alright again. 

so im gonna try to put an end to it. hmm, an end to being afraid of endings.

because obviously nothing lasts forever and things will either end in a good or bad way. everyone prefers good of course but who knows. yea. 

okay i lost track of what i actually wanted to talk about.

anyway! i hate being a pessimist but im not exactly a total optimistic person

so im just the middle

middle east. HAHA

okay not funny, because im south east. HAHA

okay done. 

so this is my resolution for 2012, this long post.

off i go, on a jet plane. bye!

sunshine on a cloudy day

al-Qudsi family

not even quarter of it. :| loveeee

 the photography family.  *picture from nicoleeee*

the Omega family. *pictures, shahid’s*

kacau bilau

the beloved class teacher

the school mates 

classmates…again

amanda's

amanda's

the SLAMJAR!! * pictures – mandy’s manda’s shahid’s mine……*

and the jkwy 

final post of the year and it should be a happy one right? happy indeed.

since im going to korea on the 27th and will be back after new year,

i guess i have no other choice but to wish you guys now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

GOODBYE 2011 AND HELLO 2012!!!!

HIIII COLLEGE!!!!

and bye readers, for the year. i hope my current readers will continue reading this old blog of mine and  i also hope i’ll get new readers next year. :)

thanks for reading my blog!

lots of love from me.  

bye!! 

i cant decide

even taylor’s career test gave me an indecisive answer.

how

now.

one less lonely post

okay i dont know whats up with the title, im just listening to one less lonely girl over and over again. so yeah.

i really hate endings because i  get emotional and whatnot but unfortunately, 2011 IS coming to an end. i cant escape it, so i have to face another ending of another great year.

i dont know.

i dont like making my own review of my year but i think i have to do it for this year because i had a great one and it’d be weird if i just blog about it in my own random way, which is short, full of nonsense and confusing. 

so yeah, read it or leave…. but i prefer if you read it, of course. :)

anyway,

the end of 2011 marks the end of my schooling years which is cool because if you guys read my blog a lot, i constantly mention how much i hate school, studying, SPM, exams, and just SCHOOL in general. everything about it makes me sick, i dont even like waking up early to go to school. i just hated school so much.

however hate turned into love. HAHAHAHA.

i mean, i hate school but i actually secretly love it….somehow…. i dont hate it entirely of course because school was where i see my friends, laugh with them everyday, have stupid conversations, laugh at teachers and many more.

the memories made in high school are so….funny. we dissected a frog then we had a funeral for it. we slept in class although its important and we have SPM. we laughed at our friends when they gave stupid answers to teachers although we knew that they might have to stand for the whole period. 

and then there were so many school events. sports day, hari kokurikulum, hari keluarga and all sorts of hari. and when we mention hari, Harivarma will just come into the picture.  

of course we have the all time favourite gossip sessions. whenever there was a free period we would talk in groups and gossip about this and that.

the drama, omg. best thing ever. loads of drama.

jealousy, anger, couple fights, couple made ups, best friends fight, best friends made up, sad tears, happy tears, laughing tears, contagious laughter, contagious yawning, weird lingo, weird people, weird teachers, weird canteen food, weird talks and just so much more!

camps, class trips, games, interclass stuff, competitions.

senior year was the best of course. i would do it all over again, seriously. just repeat peat peat peat peat. 

i  had my ups and downs,duh.  i did have a great year but i had bad days too. it was not all fun and joy, there were tears and painful events but everything was all worth it. 

and i learned sooooooooooooooooooooo much. im not talking about biology, physics or any educational things, because thats obvious but im talking about life lessons. myself, friends, people, boys or boy, best friends, parents. so much!

but now that its over, i feel weird. 

i think im gonna miss this place that i despise.  oh btw im talking about SMKSU not that weird primary school. its all about SMKSU. 

moving on, 

so yeah. this phase is actually ending, the first quarter of my life. why first quarter? because i think, life is divided into four parts. 1st phase is school, 2nd college, 3rd work, 4th marriage kids blablabla old age. you can divide yours into 5 6 or 7, its your life not mine!  BUT mine is divided into 4. so dont laugh at me.

so right now im going to this next phase, next chapter, next quarter of my life, college. i am so not ready for it, in fact, i am scared about it. i am scared of moving on, i am scared of new environment, i am scared of everything about college. 

i just hope that everything will be fine. 

the thought of being in a new alien environment scares me but i know i can adapt to it,

because thats what i learned in school. adapt to new environment, think fast, be open minded, dont be afraid to voice out, speak up, be heard,

and just have fun. 

the key word is fun. just have fun and everything will be alright, right?

high school is over and done with and i hope i will end this year without a single regret. there are 2 weeks left and everything should run smoothly.

in my mind right now, i know there are things i must do, but there are also things that are just best left undone. 

oh well,

all i know is that, high school was fun, the people were fun, and everything else was priceless.

we did not make sense, but we did make history. 

:)

next post will be just pictures. 2011 pictures. hahaha, nostalgic moment.

till then, hugs and kisses! muah muah!

2011 resolution

still remember my 2011 resolution?

lets see what i’ve achieved so far, shall we? :)

1) to not fail any subjects 

- i did fail but for trials i passed everything. so thats done. :)

2) bring lunch to school everyday.but our recess is like, breakfast to me.

okay point is, bring my own food to school therefore i could save! 

- yes yes i did this too!! :)

3) get a new pet. a rabbit! or another cat, aawwww, kitty sooo cuteeeee!

- a pair of hamsters, tortoise and another cat! :)

4) try to do my homework even if  its difficult, at least just try.

- naaah. :(

5) learn how to cook!!

-  spaghetti, some traditional malay dish, and i learned how to marinade stuff. :)

6) gain self confidence and do better during english oral cos i tend to get very nervous right before i start, forget my words, crash and die.

- i think i got better with my socializing skills and my confidence level did increase. english oral was fine. :)

7) get a new bicycle.

- no i did not! :(

8) paint my room

- its a darker shade of brown now. :)

9) improve my photo skills

- im not sure about this one. :|

10) be a good president for photo club

- i dont know. i did my best. :|

11) go green

- oh yes i did. im a greeen girl now because i say no to plastic bags! :)

well, at least i did 7 out of 11 things so i guess thats not bad huh. not bad at all.

the bottom line is, although these things are not that major but i feel satisfied that i accomplished some of it. i feel like i did not waste my whole year doing insignificant things.

and there are also major things that i did this year, such as, i got my license. (yes thats major to me), i ran during sports day, although sport isnt really my thing, leadership camp, and lots more!

so i guess i can, no, i should be proud of myself.

:D

im saving my thoughts for another post,

so, kisses!

to and fro

i think i used up all my energy today, on nothing.

i feel like i just ran 10 rounds of nothing for nothing.

weird.

but i am exhausted.

funny little girl with her funny little life.

okay kisses! 

the wedding